Defining Love free essay sample

Defining Love: Aim-inhibited Libido or Unconditional Positive Regard? Abstract Love, whilst recognised as a universal experience has been found to be extremely difficult to define. This essay compares and evaluates the strengths and weaknesses of two of the most prominent love theories. The first is Freud’s theory of love as aim-inhibited libido. Aim-inhibited libido can be defined as libido where the sexual instincts have been diverted or disguised due to the means for their fulfilment being forbidden. Roger’s theory of unconditional positive regard is founded on the idea that a healthy love relationship must consist of two self-actualising people. It was found that Freud’s theory was too scientific, while Rogers’ not enough. Subsequently, it was concluded that neither posed a valid explanation of love but if combined they would be very close. Defining Love: Aim-inhibited Libido or Unconditional Positive Regard? Love is a universal experience, yet it is still one of the greatest mysteries left to be solved. We will write a custom essay sample on Defining Love or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page What is love? † is a question theorists from a number of different fields continue to ask. For thousands of years, philosophy and religion have tried to answer this question with an array of different theories. Now, in the last century, with the development of psychology, science is trying to answer it too. The purpose of this essay will be to compare and evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of these two significant theories on love to obtain which is more valid. Freud’s theory of aim-inhibited libido was significantly founded on his prior research into sexual development. He believed that sexual development starts at infancy, concluding when a person has sex (Freud, 1905/1953). According to Freud, all going correctly, by the time a person has sex they should be significantly prepared to find a suitable love-object (Freud, 1905/1953). A love-object can be defined as any object or person outside of one’s self toward which one’s sexual instincts are directed (Freud, 1905/1953). Positive regard is reciprocal. This essentially means that when someone realises they are satisfying another’s need for positive regard they also receive satisfaction of their own need for it (Monte, 1999). Roger’s believes that this forms the foundation of a successful, loving relationship. Furthermore, Rogers emphasises that successful relationships only exist where each person has a significant and loving influence on the other person but where each person is also able to grow and change, being viewed as an individual in their own right. He even believed this sometimes involves allowing the other person to explore outside relationships (Rogers, 1978). Subsequently, it is evident that the only way this can be achieved is through unconditional positive regard being given by each person in the relationship. This is why Rogers defines ‘love’ as unconditional positive regard. On analysis of Freud and Rogers’ separate theories it can be seen that they both contain strengths and weaknesses. While Freud’s ideas in the explanation of love as being aim-inhibited libido seem quite unusual, they can be supported by observations of love in society. For example, Freud’s assumption that the sucking of the mother’s breast by the child forms the basis of the model for finding a love-object later and that in fact it is trying to re-find the object relation it had with the mother’s breast is supported by Berlant Lewis in his book Psychoanalysis of Elation. Berlant presents elation as the reliving of the early infantile pleasure at the mother’s breast and that the urge to kiss, similar to sucking, comes from the oral erotic fixations the child has towards its first love object subsequently having the urge to express it when it finds a new one (Hitschmann 1952). This significantly supports Freud’s theory in the connection between the child’s relation to their mother from nursing and the re-finding of a love object. A paper by Jekels and Bergleron the ‘transference of love’ first published in 1934 also supports Freud’s theory of love being a combination of both the ‘sensual current’ and ‘affectionate current’ as they too consider the combination of what they call ‘sensual’ and ‘tender’ ingredients in their attempt to explain the phenomenon of love (Hitschmann, 1952). The weaknesses of Roger’s explanation of love as unconditional positive regard essentially lie in the fact that he views love as being healthy. He does not consider the existence of unhealthy forms of love, which so clearly exist. For example, unrequited love or love that involves the cycle of abuse. Also clearly observable, which Roger’s chooses to exclude from the construction of his theory, is the existence of other forms of love such as that between friends and family (Maslow, 1953). Roger’s idea of love is also very selfish.